What will she have in store?

There was a time a couple years back that I wondered if an adopted child would really be as near and dear to me as a biological one. To be honest, I had my doubts that it would even come close, even if a relationship evolved under the best of circumstances. That was one of the more heavy steps of faith that I've come across, even in the early times of this process.

I can say though, that even starting early, there are sometimes where I feel tremendously close to this child, even without knowing her. Many times, I will catch myself in the thought that there is someone someplace that is bound to be part of our family, and that she is, even right now, having to endure even a short period without one. New motivations blossom from such thoughts, and understanding them makes it easier to weigh the load of anticipation.

Michelle has inspired me with a habit that she has. From time to time throughout the day, she will stop and briefly pray for that new person in our family. We don't know who she is, but there is still a connection. I remember the times that Michelle was pregnant with the boys and the anticipation that grew throughout each term.

The anticipation, though in somewhat different form, is equally present in adoption. I wonder "How will I be at fathering a daughter?" and "What will she like or not like?" or "What unique things will characterize this little person?". Our family landscape will change simply with the addition of another young life.

On a less serious note, the bedroom is almost fully enclosed. I feel sorry for Michelle, as the room is their classroom and I feel like I'm pushing them out of the room from time to time. But, her and the boys take it gracefully, and I thank them (cleaning the drywall dust off the floor).

Ok...all for now...will post later.

- Bill

We have found out a little more information. Right now, Bulgaria is not an option. Therefore, it looks like we are going to China. Our agency has a program called Journey of Hope, in which there are several girls in. These children have no health problems or minor ones. And their goal is to have all of these children adopted within 6 months. There are three 6-year old girls that we are looking at. I wanted to go a little younger, so we shall see what happens. We are going to contact our social worker and begin our home study right away. We will see what girls are available once we are approved and everything is complete on our own. Our agency is wonderful and will be walking us through the entire process.
The other news we found out was that we can take the boys with us to China to pick-up their little sister. Although this option is expensive, we feel like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for them to travel there. So, I pray that we will have the funds to do so. And, hopefully my dad will join us on our trip as well. The agency said they encourage the family to travel together because it helps the adopted child that much more with the entire process. And fortunately, all of us have our passports. What else would a homeschool family do, but learn about a country while there!

Well, I'm ready to get this process started. We are turning our classroom (loft) into a 5th bedroom. Either for our new daughter or Kota. We are going to let him choose. Most importantly I am trusting the Holy Spirit to guide us through this journey. I know it will be a journey, I'm ready. Our boys daily ask questions about their little sister. Today Daws told me 'Mom, we need to get a booster seat for my little sister.' He also thought we should stock up on diapers. I hope not. I really want a child who is older. But, we shall see.
Tomorrow we will talk to the rep from Holt International. I hope to find out more about the process and start getting things filed this and that and whatever.
I wish I knew for certain which country to go to. I always, for years, thought China. But, as we have explored this world of adoption, I have become fond of Bulgaria. Yet, it seems as though those adoptions are closed right now. Then, I saw something tonight that said they will be reopening. But, I don't know when that was written, was it an old posting from a year ago, or a recent post????
Although we originally wanted to adopt sisters, it looks like that is very difficult for a few different reasons. Finding two sisters is rare. Especially because often the agency doesn't even know who the mom (or dad) was. I still long for two girls, yet, I am accepting that one may be the better option for everyone, our daughter and boys especially.
If anyone reads this, your prayers are appreciated. Prayer that our road to our daughter is a journey that is smooth and lead by our Creator!
~Michelle

It's time to engage...

Had a conversation last week with a director of the agency we are looking at. Perhaps the most profound conversation that I've had with anyone in my life. I'm reminded of how much I don't know about the adoption process, children in waiting, how to integrate new people into a family, , the effects on my existing family, etc. During our conversation, I came to the realize the weight of personal and family engagement into this process, which most certainly will not drive itself. It won't be anyone else's responsibility to lead my family through this financially, emotionally, spiritually, and administratively.

Yeah, I can do that. I choose yes.

Imagine children who live day to day without the deep emotional contact provided by a mother and father. They have lived their lives without knowing what family means...what sitting at the dinner table with your siblings and parents means...what going to the park to play on the swing with dad means...what running through the back yard with the dog means...what it means for mom to read a bedtime story...to know that there are people with them to support them in everything they do...to celebrate their successes...to help them learn from their failures...there are so many things that these children are missing out on.

So, our next step is to start our home study...a particularly expensive, invasive, and time-consuming analysis of our physical, financial, psychological, and parental fitness to adopt. One of the areas that Michelle and I have been relying on faith is the availability of funds. Amazingly, the night that we filled out our application to the agency, we actually found the funds to go toward our home study (which ain't cheap). It was literally as if the money was there waiting for this time.

I look forward to the end of the process and the new beginning in our family, but am cautious not to rely on my own thoughts of what our family will be like. Even after the adoption, Michelle and I understand that it will be tough to integrate our family, but in the life of a child, it is sooooo worth it. Family is the most sacred organization in existence and all children deserve to have one.

I just had to make this more girly!

I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself! For 9 years I have had only boy stuff. 1 great husband, 2 adorable sons, a very caring dad and loyal dog, all men! Now, it's time to bring on a little pink, curly q's and bows. Maybe some grace will be added along with it! MM

Today the boys and I along with one of their friends are at the Lake of Ozarks. They are so independent now. It's almost strange. They can have fun w/o me. AS long as I feed them! I can't help but wonder what bringing a child half way around the world will think of us. My thought started with here at The Lake. How this place is such a part of who our family is. Will our new daughter(s) like to swim, know how to swim, enjoy fishing and lake water???
Then I began thinking of the entire process. How does a 3, 4 or 5 year old leave everything they know, good or bad and come into a family whom they have to immediately trust for safety, security and love? Not knowing our language, not knowing how to communicate their needs, how to tell me what they like for breakfast.
I wish I knew exactly where our new family will come from. At least I could start learning the language and their culture. But, it is more important for me to have two sisters than to choose what country they are from. So, for now I wait until this entire process really begins rolling. For goodness sake, we haven't even done our home study, and I am already wondering what our daughters will want to eat for breakfast and if they chew with their mouths closed.
I'm so glad that God is in control. Right now I am attracted to Bulgaria. I first wanted to go to China. So, we'll see. Bulgaria is small, and not as intimidating, or so it seems...

The app is in and other thoughts...

Wow, last night was a late night. I didn't expect to be posting to the blog again so soon, yet here we are. Last night was alot of form review, tax return stuff, photo stuff, and process thinking. Michelle and I have applied with a local agency that specializes in international adoptions. As it turns out, they have two sisters from eastern Europe that are in waiting, ages 5 and 7...just under our boys' age. On that note...

We broke the news to the boys last week that we were going to adopt. We've kinda leaned them that way for a while just to feel them out. Our boys rock out loud! They are enthused to share their world with others. Makes me proud to be their dad. Our oldest is quite compassionate and has a good sense of this being the right thing to do, and our youngest looks forward to being a big brother. They are both going to make superb big brothers!

I have to say that so far, the challenge is to know that we can plan for alot of stuff, but so many of our decisions are going to rely on faith. It's tough not to look at a photolisting or description and not want to help every kid you come across, and in the light of that, have a firm understanding of the line between being realistic and compassionate; between knowing your limitations and stepping out on faith.

I'm at odds from time to time trying to understand that though others have done really big things (build orphanages, create trust funds for adoptees, etc.) that seem to make a huge impact, the 'really big thing' that Michelle and I are undertaking is truly just as big, simply because we are part of the body, and that we were made for this time and this moment, to make an impact in this way, for a bigger reason that we may never understand this side of heaven.

I'm glad even to have the opportunity.