Today we are celebrating Gotcha Day! It's very exciting to look over the past year and see God's hand upon all of us. Especially Miss Nina-Li. I cannot tell you how important every prayer has been. Every kind word. Every protective gesture another mother has acted upon. Everyone that has touched Nina's life has just been a blessing each day.
One year ago, Nina-Li didn't speak English. Not a word. She could only draw circles and scribbles. She couldn't use scissors. Didn't know how to tell time (even in Chinese). Her hair was oh so short. She was scared, quiet, and 'developmentally' behind. She mostly ate congee, which is a rice soup. She had one close friend in China, Jing Jing, who was adopted almost 3 months before Nina-Li. Once Jing Jing was gone, she was lonely. (We are happy that we know where she lives and how to contact her. Maybe someday we will get to go see her.)
Today, she is an American. She loves french fries and Sprite. She giggles and laughs all the time. She loves trying things new. She will usually try almost anything once (other than touching toads and snakes). She has an incredible circle of friends. And I want to thank Elizabeth and Addison in particular for being patient those first few months while Nina-Li was learning English. They would just sit and play quietly with her. I guess playing with dolls is a universal language.
Nina is incredibly friendly and will strike up a conversation with anyone. She is reading and learning sight words. She can count to 100, learning to add, knows how to tell time and enjoys Science. The hardest subject for her is history. I believe it is because she doesn't have a foundation of what the past is. She's never heard anyone talk about when they were little, or about 'a long time ago...'. At least that is my hypothesis. She is writing, and coloring, and drawing. I love her drawings, of big eyes, huge mouths and high heels. Sometimes she even adds eyelashes to the details.
She loves to paint and use scissors, help me cook, play dress-up and do all things girly. Because she missed out on sooo much she enjoys doing anything that a 3 year old would do up to a normal 8 year old.
Nina has gotten to experience life for the first time. From seeing rainbows and feeling the wind blow in her hair to running through grass barefoot, it has all been new to her. Most of her life was spent in a tall building with bars on the windows and smog filled skies that blocked the sun. Her world has indeed changed.
All of us have changed. I have an even fuller schedule than ever before. Bill and I have both learned that patience is a virtue we both need to increase. The boys are incredible with Nina. They love playing with her. From tea parties to wrestling they have done it all. They are both protective of her and seem to have filled the 'big brother' roles quite well in her life. Bill has learned that little girls are a lot different than little boys. All of us have enjoyed the sparkly life full of grace that has entered our home. I too have learned that I need to be a little more patient with Nina. I've also gone from two independent sons, to a little girl that needs a lot of time and attention. At times it is exhausting. However, my family has been great at helping me out.
Our friends who have touched Nina's life have just been what we all needed. The Lovell's and Rutherford's have been so gracious. Denise has been a 2nd mom at times.
Nina-Li will talk openly about China. She wants to go back some day for a visit. She'll tell me stories that will break your heart. She recognizes that she did not have a mommy or daddy in China. She told me of a time (that I have no records of) that she was in the hospital and had an I.V. in her arm. She said "I was very brave mommy. But I cried. I was scared. I had no mommy, nobody with me." I promised her then that if she ever had to go into the hospital again, she would have a mommy with her at all times. Once she shared another story about her nanny opening the window during the night and it was cold. She had no sheets or blankets. Other times she will tell me about her nanny taking her to school or home to play. She isn't bitter, just kind of matter-of-fact.
One time about 2 months after Nina got home, I was getting frustrated. She follows me a lot around the house. And I had a very strong vision of her mother standing behind me. Telling me that she trusted me with her child and needs me to be the other she couldn't be for Nina. I will never forget that. I don't know what Nina's past is. But I truly believe after that, that Nina's mother loved her more than I can fathom. Isn't it the ultimate love? To recognize that your child needs more than you can give them. To sacrifice them in hopes that they will go to America and have something better. I cannot imagine the pain a mother feels after loving a child for two years to abandon her. Many times we question who could do such a thing. But, could it possibly be that she did it because she knew it was best for her daughter? She could have done something much worse that abandonment and gotten away with it possibly. I don't know. Whatever the true story is, we will never know. But, I do believe that Nina was loved beyond measure. Due to her ability to love. She was nurtured and cared for very well the first 7 years of her life. That has helped her bond to us. There is an excellent fiction book about a child from India called "Secret Daughter". Everyone I have recommended it to has enjoyed it.
Nina-Li loves going to church. There is a teenage girl at our church, Kylee, who befriended Nina and helped her feel comfortable in class. We began her in the pre-school class, but now she is in the class with kids her age. Kylee was a huge blessing to Nina and helping her adjust. Many of the girls in the youth group are so kind to Nina and made her feel so important. Nina knows that she was a big present God gave us. And that mommy and daddy prayed for a little girl. That he told us he has a special little girl all the way in China that is just right for our family. And she certainly is. She is a McNay all the way and has adapted so well.
Nina could be the poster child for older child adoptions. If all adoptions went as smooth as this, everyone would do it.
As wonderful as it has gone we know we will have challenges, just like we do with our own biological sons. Nina will probably always struggle with self-esteem. Someday she will question how she got where she is and why. Right now she should be in 2nd grade, I am homeschooling her in first grade. Somethings she does remarkably well in, others she is a bit behind. It will take time to get her caught up. I am working hard to make sure she has a strong foundation of reading and writing and numbers. My mom helps me homeschool the three kids. Which gives me some flexibility. I believe that because we homeschool it has helped Nina feel loved and safe. Adopting a 7 year old girl, bringing her a foreign land, and sending her off to a school of strangers just wasn't an option for me. Even if we weren't a homeschool family, I believe it is something all families should consider to do briefly if adopting an older child. Not only has she bonded well with us and adjusted well. Her language development is incredible.
Speaking of language, Nina is full English now. 3 months after she came, she asked me not to speak in Chinese anymore. 4 months after she came, she refused to speak Chinese. We now have her in Chinese to help her retain it. Not sure if she will hold onto it or not. As much as we want her to, I don't know what she'll do. She doesn't speak Chinese, but she says she understands it when she hears it. She cannot interpret it. But that is a huge brain function that is difficult to do.
I now I have probably spewed a lot out in random order. So many of you have asked and been so caring. Thank you for your kind words, prayer and support. We are incredibly thankful for all three of our kids. And are amazed at God's remarkable ability to bring that one little girl amongst the millions in China to our little midwest family.
