Signs of Life in China

Today is Thursday, and it is has been rough. Nina-Li (whom will are still calling Ruan Ruan, not sure when she will be ready for the name change) woke-up crying today. I wonder if she goes to bed she hoping that she will wake-up at the orphanage. It just breaks your heart. You know the pain this sweet child is going through. I cannot hold and rock her, no one can speak the right words in any language to comfort her and you just have to let her grieve. From what I have read in the past year, it is good that she is grieving right away. And it is simply good that she is grieving. This indicates that she has the ability to love, to care, to bond with us in the future. I don't mean to dwell on this. She is very sweet, soft spoken and fun when she is not thinking of the orphanage. Writing this blog is somewhat therapeutic for me I guess.

Nina stopped crying about 45 minutes later and we went to breakfast. But, once back in the hotel room, she cried, and cried, and cried. Grumpers and the boys went to ride the peddle boats at the lake in front of the hotel. While Bill and I sat here, played cards, letting Nina-Li just cry it out. For two hours. We don't know what else we can do, but provide a safe environment for her to do so. She cried so much she got a head-ache. And she allowed me to give her some Children's Advil. So, it shows me she is trusting me. She relies on me to help her in the restroom, give her baths, help brush her teeth, get dressed, and of course, put on make-up. And some of these things, she really doesn't need my help. My friend Angela who adopted a year ago, advised me to create needs. Create situations in which Nina-Li needs me. Good advice.

After Nina cried for about 2 hours, we asked her if she wanted to take a walk, and she did. So, we walked a small garden behind the hotel and then went down to the boardwalk. She held my hand almost the entire time. We eventually ran into the boys with Grumpers. We listened to the retirees singing like a church choir and then returned to the hotel. Both boys ran hand in hand with Nina down the board walk. I think Nina even smiled a tiny bit.

We've spent the afternoon hanging out and taking naps. We got Nina on pbskids.org and showed her how to play a game or two. She even let Bill help her. But, she's refusing chocolate from him, hmmm?

I think we are going to go bowling in a bit and then find dinner.

Tomorrow our plans are to go to the small amusement park by the island I described. Then we pack. We have to leave the hotel by 6 AM Saturday to leave for the airport. I am dreading the flight with Nina but looking forward to the last leg of our trip to Guangzhou (Gwanjoe).

Here are a few pictures of life in Fuzhou.

Love to you all!

Buddha Belly is the Star for Today

Hi,

Well, everyone is laying down for their nap right now. Including Nina-Li with Grumpers. In the picture you'll notice she has headphones on. We purchased her a Chinese Children's CD set and she loves it! Big points for Bill. He had to help her with the MP3 and finally got the connection he was needing. Yes, now Nina-Li knows he's the techie guy. He also got to play a card matching game with her. So, he finally feels as though she doesn't completely hate him.

Today Nina-Li is most loyal to Grumpers. We walked the boardwalk the other direction today. It lead us to a beautiful park that is kind of a small island on the lake. A park like this would have cost $$$ in the states. Yet, it was so lovely. The gardens were just beautiful. There were fish ponds and waterfalls. Mums were planted and formed into sculptures such as dragons, peacocks, dolphins, even boats and canons. Many of the locals watch and stared. There was a large group that decided they all needed pictures of themselves with us, well, mostly with Grumpers and we were in the background. I think honestly, his belly is amazing them. He would tell you the same. One of the Holt staff called him Buddha Belly and since then, that has been his name. We got some ice cream which tasted more like thick whipped cream frozen. Very good. At first Nina-Li said no, but then Grumpers kept offering his and she ended up sharing his with him.

Right before we left for our walk, Nina-Li was a bit sad we could see it coming, then the soft crying (not wailing or screaming, think God!) came. She cried for about 10 minutes into our walk, and then the attractions I think distracted her from her sadness. It seems as though about 10 AM and around 4 PM are when she hits her lows.

Well, I must now warn all my neighbors: If you see a sweet little Chinese girl peeing in your yard this summer, please do not be alarmed. Nina-Li has been very good at controlling herself and using the 'western toilets' here at the hotel. But, here in China it is acceptable for children to go outside in the bushes. As we were walking she just went over in the bushes and shimmied down her little skirt and went. Surprised Bill and I. Hopefully before summer she will learn that, THAT is not an American way of life. It was funny though.

We are still calling her Ruan Ruan. Every once in awhile someone will say Nina, so hopefully we will just begin incorporating her name and she will get it some day. She has been so sad and so attached to everything from the orphanage (well, her clothes) that we just felt like we couldn't announce to her a name change too.
I hope you enjoy these pictures, I was anxious to share them with you.

Much Love

60 hours and counting...

Well, we've had Nina-Li for 2 1/2 days. Yesterday I was really hoping for a fantasy. We went to Wal-Mart. This is probably her first time to ever go shopping. So, in my little dream world I thought this would be a dream come true for a little girl to choose things she wanted for the first time. However, we had to drive there. And every time we drive, she thinks she is going back to the orphanage. So, Wal-Mart was full of tears. However, through those tears, she definitely had strong opinions of what she wanted. So, she was still really cute while crying for her E.I. at the same time. She chose a red dress and a Minnie Mouse skirt with matching leggings attached. Some pink tennis shoes and bronze & gold boots (not quite my taste, but I'll go with it), we got her a backpack that she wore through-out the store, a suitcase, a CD of Chinese children's songs and two toys. One little miniature doll set and a larger set of those princess rubber dolls. Would someone please tell me what those are called? Everything is very girly. She doesn't want anything to do with pants, only dresses and skirts. I brought her a little jean jacket, and she wears it of everything. Always wearing barrettes and headbands. And of course she still loves make-up. (Side note: Yesterday I had her put make-up on me! Hilarious but fun!)

We ate at McDonald's which was right by Wal-Mart. And although she said she didn't want anything she ate a huge order of french fries (& I believe she tried ketch-up for the first time and really liked it) and drank a medium size orange juice.
When we arrived at the hotel she was very mad. It took awhile for her to calm down. Sometimes we aren't handling well. When she has these fits she just screams as loud as she can. It is so hard. Because no one, including our guide can calm her down. Bill has had a tough time with this. He wants to be dad and take charge, but it is making Nina-Li draw away from him. He was feeling very low last night. I prayed for him a lot last night. Stay tuned for today later in this message.
Nina finds peace in hanging out with the boys, especially Dawson. We were told that if we brought our kids she would bond with them quicker and feel safe with them, and that is definitely the case. This would have been much harder with out them with her being 7. And she probably would have been a bit bored with us. It is so funny because the boys and my dad do not know any Mandarin and are communicating with her just fine. Bill and I are using our tiny bit of knowledge and cheat sheets and she ignores us half of the time. So, I think we need to relax a bit. Our Mandarin has come in handy in getting around and communicating with her somewhat though. Thank you Bob! You would probably giggle, but we're making it!

Before the sun (hidden behind the smog) went down behind the mountain here in Fuzhou we went for a walk. In front of our hotel is a lake with a beautiful boardwalk & trail around it. We went about half way around and back. Of course, lots of stares from the locals. The entire walk she held Dawson's hand. He is her biggest comfort right now. She even slept with him. Not sure if that was the right move, but I've read several times, don't worry about details and just let her feel safe. The boardwalk had beautiful greenery and flowers around. It was dusk, and there were several bats flying around us. They came quite close, to the point that if you were fast enough, you could probably just grab it.

We had dinner here at the hotel again. Much of the local cuisine here is difficult for us to interpret, they don't have menus in English as they do in Beijing and Guangzhou. Our guide told us if you use the pictures, you often won't get what you think you are getting. Nina-Li told me she didn't want anything, but as soon as I put the food in front of her she eats.

So, the evening closed with Nina-Li once again going to bed in her clothes. Not sure if she wore PJ's ever or if she is just attached to her clothing.
However, with clothing we made progress. You see she has been wearing the same undershirt, skirt, tights, underwear and shoes for three days. She choose a long shirt or dress and just wears it over her original skirt so you really don't see it. (BTW, she is wearing 4t perfectly, 5t a little big, but working.) So today, I gave her the mini mouse skirt/tights she bought and fortunately had a very cute shirt here to match. And she wanted to wear it. I also showed her, her new underwear that she chose and wanted to wear it. So, when I went to put on her skirt/leggings (they are connected) she wanted her old tights on. I smelled the feet and pinched my nose, 'stinky' and then had her smell them. She agreed! Yeah! But, she was concerned about covering her feet, so I showed her the socks I brought which were just plain white, boring, no lace socks. She didn't like them, but decided she must wear them. So, everything she is wearing other than her undershirt is new. And of course, her original skirt and tights went her in backpack along with her other prized positions. She loves the hair pretties. Her hair is so short, so the barrettes work best. However, today she wanted pony tail holders. Fortunately I had those little tiny rubber bands and was able to work out something. I'll attach the photo.

Bill made progress this morning. Nina-Li was playing dolls and needed help and she turned to him for help. Which was great progress. So, Bill got to play dolls with her (and loved it!) for 15 minutes or so.

Today we walk the boardwalk which leads to a park and a carnival/amusement park. We are staying here. We've decided to try to avoid car rides except for necessary appointments, which I think we only have on Friday. Then Saturday, very early, we fly to Guangzhou for our last stop.

I am receiving your facebook posts via my email and email messages. Thank you for all the encouragement, it is greatly needed.

Love to you all!

Quick Little Update

Hi Everyone!

Quick little update.

It is Tuesday morning and we've been together with Nina-Li for about 40 hours or so. She slept through the night again last night. Didn't wake up in tears.
However, she puts all of her things in a little gift bag I have, which is normal. She still is wearing the same tights and same skirt, but with a little dress. She woke-up wanting bows in her hair and make-up on. I know what aisle I will be shopping in at Target! Once she decides she wants to wear something from the drawer of clothes I have for her, it cannot go back in the drawer. It's as if, this is mine now, not the drawers'.

Funny story, I was showing her pictures of her room saying "Ni de" meaning, yours. This was yesterday morning when she wanted to go back to the orphanage. Every picture she said no. Until she saw the picture of the little tutu that Lisa Ramsey got her, and then she shook her head yes. So funny.
Dawson just taught her how to play the matching game and she liked that. She likes playing Legos with them. Dawson bought a train set in Beijing. She likes helping him set it up and running it. It's surprising what we can use to connect with her. She loves playing with Dakota too. She asks him for help and holds his hand. I am incredibly greatful we brought the boys. I think this would have been twice as hard with out them. They are the entertainment so I can send these updates. Can anyone tell me in the homeschool world how do I log family bonding? This has had a profound affect on the boys. They may be missing a month of school, but this is so worth it!

We are still calling Nina-Li by her name. Ruan Ruan or Ron Ron.
My prayer request is that she connects with Bill. He is having a tough time finding opportunities to do so and she doesn't reach out to him like the rest of us.

Also, I want you to know my friend Danielle is doing all these posts for me. I cannot access Facebook or the blog to update. I can only access email. So, thank you Danielle. It is encouraging to me to be able to communicate with everyone.
Today we are going to go get breakfast with Nina-Li for the first time. Yesterday she only took some milk and stayed in the room. Then we are going shopping at Wal-Mart. Denise, I will be looking for those special workers in blue vests! Camera ready!

Love to you all.

Gotcha Day!

Ni Hao from Fuzhou, Fujian, China.

Gotcha Day was everything that a parent would want. We met our beautiful Nina-Li in just a sofa area by a meeting room at our hotel. She came up to us very soft spoken and sweet. She had our album we sent her and easily identified all of us. We gave her a panda bear that she would not let go of. We then got out the bubbles. She squealed in delight! It was just as sweet as can be. Up to this day she has been very proud that she is going to America. Boasted about it at the orphanage. However, on the way to the hotel she changed her mind. So, her response to us was very good. However, we were warned that the evening could be rough. And it was.

Once we were done in the conference room and Bill picked her up, she screamed and wailed. It would just break your heart. This continued for about 3 hours. She finally just exhausted herself and went to sleep with all her clothes on at 8:30. She fell asleep with the little princess doll that Linda Forsythe gave her. She even covered up the little princess with her blanket. She slept until we woke her up at 7:45 this morning. Only waking up once and wimpering for about a minute. She is 7 and is fully aware that she will never see her friends and caretakers again. She has cried for her E.I. (sp?) several times. That was her favorite nanny.

She was sad this morning until the phone rang and then suddenly was wlling to brush her teeth and get ready. Everything went remarkably smooth. She began putting everything in a gift bag that we have given her and a couple of things of clothing she wore from the orphanage. Then it dawned on me, she thought she was returning to the orphanage. So, I decided to enjoy the peace we had and just let her think what she wanted. We walked hand in hand to driver to go to some appointments. That is when the next crying session began. Our guide tried to explain she wasn't going back. At every appt. the staff would try to comfort and explain to her. If they couldn't do it in Nina-Li's language, there was no way I could.

One of the problems was she was starving because she didn't eat dinner or breakfast. As soon as we arrived in our room she engulfed a banana, gulped some water down and then tried to escape. That was rough. However, thank you for mother nature. She had to go potty. And that broke up that. Bill arrived with some Congee (rice soup) and she ate all of it, and there was a lot! Bill went to find something for the rest of us to eat, so I had about 60-90 minutes alone with Nina-Li. She wanted her teeth brushed and then she saw my make-up and asked for eye shadow and blush. Well, of course I am going to oblige. We then painted her fingernails, took a walk in the hotel lobby and outside the front door. We read and colored. It was very delightful. Everything was good. We are learning how to communicate the best we can. She played with the boys and is doing well.

We had another little outburst for about 30 minutes or so. We think it was because she didn't get a nap in. She takes 2 hour naps everyday. I finally got her to lay down and after 15 minutes or so, she was fine.

For the evening we went to dinner here in the hotel. I think she really liked that. I believe it is probably the first time she has been to a restaurant and been served. We learned she likes french fries, shrimp, fetticinni alfredo, and bread. As we returned to the room she walked hand in hand with Dakota.

Nina-Li is going through a grieving process and it is completely normal. Difficult to handle. You want to comfort and consoul her. But, you can't. We have found the best thing to do is let her grieve.

And regarding our little make-up session. Now, everytime she goes to the bathroom, she asks for make-up. However, she has to say the English words eyes, cheeks and lips to get it. It is a good bonding opportunity. So far I can only get her to wear the pinguin shirt that Chris Jarrett got her and a jean jacket. She refuses to take off her tghts, boots and skirt that she came to us in. Even after we painted her toe nails, she insisted on getting those tights on right away.

So, we will see what tomorrow brings. We are going to Wal-Mart and have a list of items we want her to choose including a pair of shoes, new tights and a few toys and clothes.

Thank you for all your prayers. They are sustaining us right now. Believe me. This is tough. Yet, we are having more and more moments of connecting.

Love to you all!

Beijing Pictures

Here are pictures of Beijing before we left.

Good-bye Beijing!

Our last full day in Beijing was pretty laid back. Bill and I had an adoption meeting all morning and then all 5 of us had lunch with 3 other families who are here with our agency adopting. However, there are several families through other agencies here to adopt too. We have seen a few out and about.
After lunch we decided to defensively walk down to Walking Street. This isn't the actual name, just what everyone calls it. It is closed to traffic so everyone can casually walk around and shop. It is a huge shopping district. From what I know there are a minimum of 3 malls within 3 blocks of one another. They are all 5 and 6 levels. We had fun doing zainy poses and looking in the Asian shops. We went into a candy store and looked around. There was a small tray of some sort of crackers all broken up. They had a few about the store. I tried a little sample when suddenly I was heavily scorned by this woman who worked there. I kept saying Dui Bu Chi which means excuse me. But, she let me have it. Bill and I couldn't stop laughing later about it. It was funny. I didn't know how to say I'm sorry, so my choice of words probably didn't satisfy her.
We are amazed by the international culture here. We have met or observed people from Brazil, Singapore, Germany, France, Japan, Israel, Brussels and Australia.
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, except we couldn't see the sun. You see wind is a friend to Beijing, and if there is not wind the smog sets heavily down upon the city. It was disgusting. We wanted to eat Roast Duck last night or Peking Duck. It's kind of like barbecue in KC, just the local cuising for the area. The place we wanted to go was only 5 blocks away. However, Bill and I couldn't bare the thought of walking through the smog much more.
So, we settled for a little French place and had pizza!
Last night after dinner Bll and I went down to Snack Street. (Right next to Walking street) Vendors are stretched about 50 yards down the street selling the delicatessens that make you cringe insdie. It was a lot of fun. The assortment to choose from included: Small baby chickens (cooked as if they are trying to escape the frying pan), star fish, sea urchins, eel, whole squid, sea horses, silk worms, beetles, lamb (intestines we think), snake, pranges and more. Bill decided to take a walk on the wild side (does this surprise you?) and eat snake. This family from Israel came up to us and were 'exclaiming what is he eating, what is he eating?' so the gentleman joined Bill and tried some. Bill's description of the taste is a very common one "It taste like chicken." To cook this variet of food it is all served on a stick and deep fried. The grease dripping of of the snake alone was gross, not to mention the food.
So today in about an hour, we are off to the airport to go to Fujian. We will be meeting our daughter in 9 hours. Very Excited!!!!
Blessings to you all!
P.S., Unfortunately I just looked and Bill hasn't downloaded the photos yet. So, you will have to stay tuned...I know you are dying of curiosity to see the snacks! :)